


Live Forever

by Smokedcapybara



Series: (Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome [7]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17439797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokedcapybara/pseuds/Smokedcapybara
Summary: Hansen huffs a laugh into Connor’s shoulder. They’re sitting curled up into each other in the corner between their log and the tree, Hansen’s head resting on Connor’s shoulder and their legs tangled together at the ankles.





	Live Forever

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to just be fluff but I guess I kinda failed there
> 
> warning: discussion of past suicidal thoughts/plans

“What can you tell me about that tree?”

Hansen huffs a laugh into Connor’s shoulder. They’re sitting curled up into each other in the corner between their log and the tree, Hansen’s head resting on Connor’s shoulder and their legs tangled together at the ankles.

“I’ve already told you everything I know about that tree. Five times.”

“Wait. Are you saying we’re out of trees for me to get you to ramble about for like half an hour?” Connor feigned a look of distress. “What are we supposed to talk about now?”

Hansen stared at him flatly for a minute before responding. “The ever-present awareness of our inescapable mortality.”

Connor’s mind blanked while he processed. When Hansen pressed his face into his chest, shoulders shaking with obvious laughter, he smirked.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m totally gonna live forever actually. No mortality here.”

Still laughing, Hansen lifted his head to grin at Connor.

“Oh? And how are you planning to pull that off?”

He shrugged. “Haven’t decided yet between finding the Fountain of Youth or learning alchemy so I can make the Elixir of Life.”

“Sounds like a lot of work either way.”

“It’d be worth it.”

“Really?” Somehow Hansen managed to scoot himself closer into Connor’s side. “You’d be spending eternity alone.”

Connor looked away. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to achieve by pointing that out but I assure you I won’t fall for it.”

“I’m just saying,” Hansen twisted to face him, hand on Connor’s leg and face tilted up towards his, “you should share.”

A wave of heat and nervous energy ran through Connor’s body and his mouth went dry. A whispered “ok.” came out before he could think. Not that he was capable of thought at the moment.

Clearly oblivious to the effect he’d had on Connor, Hansen grinned and returned to leaning against his side. “Good.”

“Great.”

When Connor regained the ability to think he nudged Hansen with his shoulder. “So we’re both living forever.”

Hansen let out a loud laugh. “I guess.”

“So there is no inescapable mortality here for us to talk about.”

A giggle was his only response.

“Once again we’re in need of a new topic of conversation.”

Hansen’s head pressed into his shoulder. “Or we could just sit here in silence. Enjoy each other’s company.”

Sighing, Connor rested his head on top of Hansen’s. “Yeah, we could do that.”

Again Hansen pressed closer into his side. Closing his eyes, Connor wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Hansen’s hand was still on his leg and it felt like it was burning a brand into his skin. He placed his free hand over it and tried to convince his heart to stop trying to beat it’s way out of his chest.

It felt like they sat there like that forever, but also not long enough. It was never long enough. He wished he could have this for forever, _that_ would be worth living forever for.

“Thank you.”

Connor nearly startled as he was broken from his thoughts by the quiet words.

“For what?”

“You know how I sometimes feel like-like I’m a burden and I don’t matter and-” he cut himself off abruptly.

“Yeah.” Connor tightened the arm around Hansen’s shoulders and started rubbing circles on his hand with his thumb.

“Well, the day we met I…” he began to fidget, “I had made a plan,  earlier that morning. There were still some things I needed to figure out and I wasn’t fully decided on when… but I had a plan.”

“A plan?” Connor’s voice was hoarse and his mind wouldn’t stop whirling.

Hansen continued as if Connor hadn’t spoken. “But then you talked to me and asked me about myself and let me ramble at you about trees and it was nice and I felt _seen._ ” at this point he was speaking too fast for Connor to interrupt. “But then I figured I’d never see you again, it was just a one-off. And it was nice to have that good memory to think of, li-like one last good thing. You know? Actually I hope you don’t cause that would…” he shook his head and continued, “anyway, then you were back the next week and asking me about my week and about trees and I thought maybe… _maybe…_ ”

Through the fog that had started to fill his mind, Connor realized that Hansen had started crying. He pulled him onto his lap almost on autopilot, tucked Hansen’s head under his chin and wrapped his arms firmly around him.

Shakily, Hansen resumed speaking. “So I reached out. For the first time in my life I actually reached out. I asked if I’d see you again and you said yes and then again a week later there you were. And you kept coming back and even asked for my schedule and then started coming even more often and I just… I latched on to that. To your visits. I told myself ‘you just have to make it a few days, just till Connor comes again.’ And you never got sick of me or anything.”

Hansen laughed wetly. “At first that just c-confused me actually. But then I started remembering things you’d said outside of our talks and it helped a bit. And then I told you I wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t break that promise. So I told Dr. Sherman everything and got-and got the help I actually needed. And it’s not perfect and I still have really bad days sometimes. But it’s better. A-and I only got here cause you stopped me, even if you didn’t know that’s what you were doing. So thank you.”

Connor sat there, holding Hansen as tight as he could, while he processed everything. This beautiful, wonderful boy had almost not lived long enough for Connor to fall as in love with him as he had. Suddenly he knew exactly what it was in Hansen’s eyes that had felt so familiar when they met.

He didn’t want to ever let go of this boy again.

“We’re gonna live forever.” He whispered fiercely, pressing a kiss to the top of Hansen’s head.


End file.
